Here are some of my favourite quotes from my recent read:
#1: First Grave on the Right by Darynda Jones. (Click title for review).
There have never been some many quotes. I apologize if its overwhelming, but what can you do when you find something that is like a classic piece of artwork? Please note that there are no spoilers, simply really good on-liners.
1. Did I looked frightened? Clearly my death stare needed work
2. As I closed the door, I heard Patrick Sussman freak out at last. “Oh, my god. He’s just…hovering.” It’s the simple things in life, and all that crap.
3. My PI techniques would never be the stuff of legend. They would never make it into criminology textbooks or university lecture halls. But I did feel that, with some focus, I could have a strong presence in chat rooms.
4. “I can’t believe you don’t have twenty-seven broken ribs.” Garrett said and I robot-walked forward. “I don’t have twent-seven ribs.” “Are you sure?” he asked, eyeing my rib cage. “Maybe I should count them.” Ridiculously ticklish, I wrapped my arms protectively around my stomach in reflex. “Only if you want to lose a hand.” I warned, though he did look rather hot in jeans and a white T-shirt with a dark blue bulletproof vest strapped around his torso. Very machismo. “But don’t worry,” I continued. “Surely that whole learning-to-count thing will pay off someday.” He grinned, unscathed, as he checked his clip. “Surely.”
5. “So you two are tight?” I asked hopefully. He cast me a dubious scowl. “I don’t usually hand with murderer.” Snob.
6. Garrett chose that moment to join the coveration. “I appreciate your forethought,” he said, his tone distant, as if his were elsewhere. “Not as much as your fore-parts, but still—“ I twisted around in my seat to face him. “My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.”
I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.”
After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?”
I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.”
7. “Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.”
8. “I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.”
9. “I gotta tell you, Davidson, I’m impressed,” he said. “That took balls.”
“Please,” I said with a snort, “that took ovaries. Of which I have two.”
“Have I mentioned that I’m a licensed gynecologist? If your ovaries ever need anything…”
10. “If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.”
11. “I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding."
I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding internally, I'd know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally?
12. “Oh, and she told me that men want only one thing.
And on that note, I must give praise and thanks to the powers that be. I don't want much else from them either.”
13. “You’re just using me for my body.” “You don’t have a body,” I’d remind him.
“Throw that in my face.”
“Technically, you don’t have a face either.”
14. “I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.”
15. “Can I jump in your body and make out with my wife through you?”
I fought a grin. “It doesn’t really work that way.”
“Then can you just make out with my wife and pretend I’m in your body?”
“I can pay. I have money.”
“How much we talking?”
16. “Did you get checked out?”
“Yeah, by a hot blond who sat in the corner of the bar and made googly eyes at me.”
“I meant by a doctor.”
“No, but a balding yet bizarrely hot paramedic said I’d be fine."
“Oh, and he’s an expert?”
17. “Amber wants your dad to get a teriyaki machine so she can sing for all the lonely barflies.
Does she know it’s not called—?”
“No,” she whispered.
“Are you gonna tell her?”
“No. It’s much funnier this way.”
18. Just in case, though, I stormed into my apartment, tossed a quick hello to Mr. Wong, then rummaged through my entertainment center to lay out all my exorcism equipment. I kept it in my entertainment center because exorcisms were nothing if not entertaining.
19. “Where you just possessed?" Cookie asked after a long moment, awe softening her voice. "'Cause let me tell you, sweetheart, if that was possession, I'm selling my soul.”
20. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices.
21.I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
22. A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same
23. “I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking.”
“I get it, Swopes. He’s not the kind of man you take home to meet your
stepmom.” I rethought that. “Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul?”
24. “Is it just me or does the
fact that you live in the same building you were abducted into seem a bit morbid ”
“Pffft. It’s just you ”
25. My calculations - allowing for a 12 percent margin of error, based on the radius of the corresponding confidence interval and the surgeon general's warning - concluded that they probably didn't stay behind for the tacos.
26. “Okay, slowly, and without making any sudden movements, hand over the coffee. I’ll go get you another cup, and we can start over.” “What’s wrong with this cup?” I asked eyeing it suspiciously. “You need decaf.”
27. I’d been having the same dream for the past month—the one where a dark stranger materialized out of smoke and shadows to play doctor with me. I was starting to wonder if repetitive exposure to nightly hallucinations resulting in earth-shattering climaxes could have any long-term side effects. Death via extreme pleasure was a serious concern. The prospect led to the following dilemma: Do I seek help or buy drinks all around?
28. I wanted the apartment, and I figured I could cover him up with a bookcase or something. But the thought of having a dead guy hovering behind my copy of Sweet Savage Love gnawed at me. I couldn’t just leave him there. I don’t even know if he likes romance.
29. Garrett followed suit, climbing the eight-foot chain-link fence with way more upper body strength than I had and dropping beside me. But could he tie a knot in a cherry stem with his tongue?
30. “You know what’s disturbing?” Garrett asked, closing his notebook as we walked up. “Your addiction to little people porn?”…Apparently, it was a rhetorical question. I wished he’d stated that before I wasted one of my best lines on an answer. I hated being wrong.
31. “My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.
32. “I do have a slight advantage over the average Joe.” “What did you say?” Garrett asked. “You have a slight advantage over the average psycho? I doubt it.” Well, that was just mean.
33.“Charley?” “Um, no. My name is Captain Kirk.” I wasn’t the most imaginative being on the worldly plane.