Here are some of my favourite quotes from my recent read:
: #4 Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet by Darynda Jones.
(Click title for review)
As always there may be some spoilers in there.
1. I sat watching the Buy From Home Channel with my dead aunt Lillian and wondered what my life would’ve been like had I not just eaten an entire carton of of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy with a mocha latte chase. Probably about the same, but it was something to think about.
2. I was on the phone with a healthy-sounding customer service representative named Herman when Cookie walked in. She did that a lot. Walk in. Like she owned the place. Of course, I was in her apartment.
3. “What? Lots of PIs wear guns.”
“With their pajamas?”
I snorted. “Yes. Especially if they’re Star Wars pajamas and your gun just happens to resemble a blaster.”
4. “You named your car?”
“Yes. And please don’t ask what else I’ve named. You’re too young.”
5. “Did the angels tell you we were coming?”
“No, I saw you pull up.”
“Oh.” That was kind of anticlimactic.
6. “I did date a psych major who said I had attention issues. Or at least that’s what I think he said. I wasn’t paying attention. Anyway, where was I?”
7. “Embarrass me?” I gathered her into my arms. “Amber you could never embarrass me.”
“Never?” she asked.
“One time, I yelled across the store to Mom and asked her if she wanted the regular or the super-absorbent tampons. I added that, according to the box, the super-absorbent were for those heavy days. Then I asked her to rate her heaviness on a scale of one to ten.”
“Okay, you could.”
8. “I didn’t know what to do. How to act. I wanted my sofa—which might or might not go by the name of Sharon—and cheese puffs, but I realized I was going to have to wean off both. Slowly at first. Maybe I’d downgrade to a recliner and cheese crackers, ease off gradually, then try something healthy like cleaning house and eating and apple. I shuddered at the thought. Cheese puffs were so comforting. And they were orange. No, I probably shouldn’t rush into anything. I came up with a plan B. Clean house while easting cheese puffs. Comforting and productive.
9. I soon found our Gemma had ulterior motives in hanging with me and drinking like a fish on dry land. I could read it in her body language, in the shifting light In her eyes, but mostly when she said, “I have ulterior motives.”
10. “You know those women in nursing homes who have to be restrained around the clock because they mix up everyone’s medication and steal all the bedpans?”
“Yes,” I said, wondering what I was walking into.
“That’s going to be you.”
She was probably right. It I lived that long.
11. “Let that be a lesson.”
“Never drink twelve margaritas in a row?”
“No,” I said with a pfft. “That’s totally acceptable. Never trust Cookie.”
“Got it. Have you seen my pants?”
12. Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy.
13. “I’m pretty good at running. I mean, I’m not fast or anything, and I wind easily…never mind.”
He could’ve been the poster boy for seriousness when he said, “There’s something really motivating about having a bunch of demons on your ass.”
14. I hopped in Misery and did my best to keep up with them without looking like I was doing my best to keep up with them. For the first time since I got her, I cursed Misery’s cherry red exterior. Black would have been better. Or better yet, pavement gray. Then I’d really blend. I’d never longed for an invisibility cloak as much as I did at that moment.
15. Well, that sucked more ass than liposuction.
16. “I need a ride.”
“You need a therapist.”
“True, but I need a ride first.”
17. No one except me blackmailed my friends and got away with it.
18. “How many times do I have to tell you? If you’re going to watch scary movies, do it when I’m around so I can giggle when you jump.”
19. That which doesn’t kill me had better run pretty darned fast.
20. “Now, where do you suppose her heart is?” said counterpart asked.
Betty White? She was going for Betty?